i'm really bad at this blog thing.

i would be disappointed if i were you guys. how long has it been, a couple weeks? whenever i get on a computer i find a thousand other things i'd like to get too and when i think of writing i get overwhelmed by all that has happened that i haven't written about yet. I'll do my best to remember some highlights.

actually, i just decided that i'm not gunna update you on specific things that are happening day to day. there is plenty of stuff but you'll be fine not knowing. the one thing i will tell you is that copper mountain had opening day this past saturday and we went. there was only 2 lifts open but it was still great. it had one small terrain park too. i kind of already knew this, but i realized even more that i don't even love snowboarding that much. i mean, i enjoy it but basically only in this context: 3-4 hours on the mountain tops, only about an hour or two at most on actual runs and the rest in the park. i get really bored riding runs. sure some are steeper than others and might have a few noteable differences, but basically you get 70 runs that are all the same deal. i dunno. my knee and my wrist were both acting up on me. i had a wrist brace luckily. this weekend winter park opens. its 5 minutes away from us.

also this weekend is Dare 2 Share. Zane (a leader here) is one of the main guys in D2S so all of us are helpin out with either merch or security or a number of other things. its a two day ordeal in denver at the pepsi center, so its pretty legit. Leeland is gunna be there.

my goodness...the detroit lions are terrible. i know i chirp about em all the time. most of the people that read this blog i have probably talked to personally about our situation with the team. i have that simple and rather unwaivering faith since i've only been around 2 years with the team, but i still am emotionally spent every sunday around 2 o clock here when the game finishes.

i'm fasting today. i don't even know how too do something like this anymore. i don't even pray unless I'm called upon too. so it should be interesting. i just decided that my decision to stay or go must be made in literally the next couple days and i've talked to everyone i can think of about what i should do...except God. so i'm giving him a window. if he wants to speak into this or put something on my heart this is his chance.

i'm really looking forward to christmas. i'll get to see most of you hopefully, i'll get to celebrate my b-day, and hopefully stay quite busy while i'm home. i was talkin to heather the other day about bein home and excited and stuff and she pointed out how different this year is gunna look. heather has lost over 20 pounds, so she's gunna look pre different to me at least. i've lost some weight, put on some muscle, shaved my head, pierced my ears, and will also look pretty different. and then there is genelle who will have an 8 month old baby in her. hehe. i'm excited about that. real excited. mom and dad, you should start thinking about something drastic you can do too to follow suite.

i've just got one new thought for today. it might make some of you uncomfortable, i dunno. and again, i need you guys to understand that this is just me thinking. i may feel what i think to varrying degrees at different times but i'm just thinking is all. i know i've had this thought with a few of you before but it still lingers with me. and it is this. what if we give Jesus too much credit sometimes? calm down, calllmmm ddooowwn. i'm no scholar, but i've been in the word enough to have an idea of who he is and i know there is abundant evidence that he was extraordinary. he did miracles, he was perfectly pure and selfless, he lived a blameless life...i know. i'm not really argueing that. that is what it is if we believe the bible is true. i guess i wonder more about the death of him and the basis for people literally and figuratively giving their lives to him. there are people throughout the world that die CONSTANTLY, and many of them die for lesser causes than the salvation of the entire human race. they might die for family, for their country, for simply their thoughts, for themselves, and i'm sure there are plenty more reasons while people die for causes each day. real people with real pain and real fears. there is also evidence both in the bible and more recently in the middle east of people being crucified. its not like some immense historical event because only a few people ever died that death. i bet piles of people did. and this is where i wonder about "the cost": don't you think that if you KNEW God like Jesus did (and technically you WERE God), and you knew heaven because you've lived there all your life, and the only way to save billions and billions of lives was to die on earth after a short life, and you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that you were just gunna live again after that in heaven and be praised and never have to worry again about paying that price...don't you think that if you knew all that stuff like jesus did that it would be a bit of a no brainer? that you'd be able to go through with it? at least for me, i know that my motives and choices are driven by cost versus payoff. so in this case, the cost seems pretty tolerable standing next to the outcome. i know i sound crazy and you're all half squinting at the screen with your mouth half open wondering what the heck i'm talking about, but honestly i just don't feel like its as MASSIVELY unspeakable of a cornerstone than we perpetually give it credit for. maybe it is, i just have to find out how to make that click for me. i suppose the bottom line is that he didn't in any way deserve that death and we in no way deserved that death....fine. another thing that just came to me and that perplexes me is how much christians stumble and struggle with the idea of following christ but just ignore it. many people respond too it and fall away, its just funny watching christians from my perspective have these unanswerable questions or daunting barriers where they have little to no reason to hang on, but its like they just ignore it. well, they don't ignore it maybe but they call it faith. its so illogical. i guess its perserverence. all of this stuff is so subjective, i know. man do i ever know and i'm thankful. you do not need to be where i am and its ok that i'm not where you are.

something terribly humbling came upon me today. when i talk to people i paint this picture of a rather legalistic faith i used to have. among many other things, i pretty well could have stopped at "i used to be at church as many as 3 or 4 times a week, easy". i understand why they create that picture in their minds, because i provide it, yet, in the same breath i deny that it was legalistic. i assure or correct them that it was real and authentic and sincere. i've always sort of felt that i lay between the two ends and had a balanced understanding. i want to clarify before i continue that i knew God. i did. i experienced him, i worked for him, i desired to know him, and my intent was often pure i believe. but today i realized something. paul used to be all of those things. paul memorized the old testament, he never missed a day of church, he prayed all the time, he tithed the required amount, he fed the poor, he knew all the stories - he was doing what he knew how to be righteous and yet, he was a pharisee. he persecuted God's true church and was the very person that christ came to speak against. he had every check marked on the religeous list yet he had nothing. something drastic happened of course where he met and embraced christ which brought about change. excuse my language but this is actually Paul's words. when it was being translated the translators were even somewhat ashamed or uncomfortable by paul's words, but it shows how serious and passionate he was. he basically said about the things he knew and had done for God's sake up til that point didn't amount to shit; it was rubbish. i thought i was in the right all my life - struggling but succeeding in Christ. but what made me any different than Paul? i was the ideal pedigree. if you saw my spiritual resume you'd probably have raised your brow just slightly, but what true depth was there in my simple trust and faith in God day to day. i know that this place i speak of (where Paul eventually was during most of his ministry) is spoken of often in the christian community and we would all agree that its a righteous and dependant place to be with God, but how do you get there? how do you take away the age old checklist and just....be. there is nothing to hold on to firmly or strive toward or to achieve it seems, its just a simple dependance on christ's love and his ability to live out that love in our common lives. it feels like one of those christian things we say or think without really knowing a lot of the time, but its always the right answer. we had that talk about a book/topic based upon "christ in me". its so cliche but how many of us have a clear grasp on what that even looks like. its arguable and it makes for a good discussion rather than opinion on my part. to sum it up, i was humbled by realting to paul and agreeing that perhaps my spiritual health was always just slightly skewed. if/when i am restored i see it looking differently. i want to know more than any other thing that i have and experience everyday freedom in christ. not depression, or stress, or jeleousy, or judgment, or addiction...i want to know a simple freedom.

i'm slowly becoming a sports junkie. its cool. when i come home i definitly picture myself coppin an LCD with satelite so i can tap into lots of sports. oh, and a cell phone i can actually use! count on it.

i'm hungry. its gunna be a long day.

look forward to seeing and talking to you all.

Jimmy.