I’m often reluctant to blog. I love writing when I get started, but thinking about Coldplay and trying to break it down for you guys intimidates me. I haven’t really sifted through those thoughts yet so I guess that’s what this is for. I am confident with the way I structure my expression of thought, but after reading through this I feel so redundant in my vocabulary, grammar, and sentence structure; it feels juvenile. Fortunately for me, none of that really counts for anything here. So I’m sorry if I’m a touch off my game today.
I know the last few blogs have been real intense so my hope is that this one is lighter. I needed to get those out of my system and I can’t promise that will be the last of them. I’ve been under the impression that family and a few friends check this thing but ever since the arguable controversy of my last few posts I’ve been informed of many other people that read my thoughts. It’s surprising but also intimidating. I’m not ashamed of me. I love talking to people and being real with them, but wow, I have to admit I’m a touch more gun-shy now. I do appreciate all of your support and responses. The single most encouraging thing since this new journey I’ve set out on (putting all I’ve known to the fire to see what survives it) is the patience and tolerance of the people in my life. You all deserve to be applauded for outlasting and debunking stereotypical Christian responses that the world might place on you. People have been supportive, they’ve listened and understood, they still VALUE me as an individual even though our priorities may not line up, and I still feel loved. That is huge. There may not be an awful lot any of you can do about me and where I am (and that’s ok) but one thing you can do is all of these things I mentioned. It doesn’t go unnoticed. I’m sorry for all the confusion and disappointment that some of you may or may not be experiencing. Hang in there…this is a process.
The concert…
We spent all day Friday at our outreaches. Mine is dry bones in Denver so when I was finished I met up with a couple other students who were going to the concert. We shopped a bit and then got sushi since we had time before it started. We finally meet up at the Pepsi Centre at our seats and the first band started playing shortly after. They were terrible. I mean, I guess from another vantage if it were a different night at a different venue they may have been okay, but in anticipation for the immensity of Coldplay they were minimized in my mind. The songs were generic and the mix was disappointing. I don’t even know what the band was called.
The second band was altogether different. It wasn’t a band; it was one man with a projector. To summarize the experience I would call it artistic, creative, and kind of that modern expression of individual originality that we’re more tolerant than ever of these days. I think his name was Jon Hopkins. Basically he was a DJ mixing beats while video was going on behind him through the projector. The media stuff reminded me a LOT of Dr. Seuss, like trippy repetitive cartoon stuff. I don’t think the people I was with liked it that much and I’m kind of surprised that I was so intrigued by it but it was definitely an interesting experience. Kind of like Cirque De Soliel (I’m stretching, I know) how it is so weird but at the same time you are in awe.
The sheer scale of this concert was enough to overwhelm me. The most I’ve ever paid for concert tickets is maybe 20 bucks, so when I dropped 55 for nose bleed seats I wasn’t at all comfortable with that. The Pepsi Centre is real big. I mean it’s a typical professional arena. We happened to be there the weekend prior for Dare 2 Share if you remember.
I don’t even know where to start. I guess with what it looked like. There were about 8 large balls hanging from the ceiling and then one very large ball, which they lit up according to the lighting theme for any given song. Sometimes they did some live video stream or video effects through the balls too, which was interesting. The stage stretched along the entire main floor surface, and then protruded on either side out into the crowd. At the end of one of these extensions was another small stage that was made up of white-lit boxes on the floor where they played one or two songs. I can’t remember the backdrop entirely because it changed in progressively breath-taking manors throughout the concert. I will say that it was always appealing and it stretched from the ground to the ceiling. Another thing was the lighting. I’ve seen some good headliners who used well-coordinated lighting before but nothing at all like this. The timing and power of the light system was incredible. As for how they dressed, the guys all looked awesome. They all felt like they belonged there. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing a band you really value and then notice that there is one (if not more) of their members who just demand a critical and judgmental eyeball. They throw off the entire band. Everyone in Coldplay just fit – all 4 of em. They had a bit of a typical band look to them but its not like they were trying to look young or generic, they just looked good. At the same time also, they had that clear European look to them, which I appreciated. They didn’t rock out so hard that it was awkward, like they were trying too hard, but they definitely moved; a really healthy look while playing music because you believe they are into what they are doing. I think that’s a pretty thorough picture of the main visual details.
This was a highly professional display of musical ability. They deserve to play in arenas and go on worldwide tours. I guess to describe it, I would say they were secure and mature enough musicians to lay low during songs but had the potential to steal every ounce of your attention if and when they each chose too. That is when you know you’re seeing a good band. They don’t feel like they need to relentlessly impress you with stuff that doesn’t necessarily sound good, but perhaps is just hard to play. They would bust it out in tiny windows though throughout the performance just to remind you they could. The singing was astounding. I’m a little bit paranoid when it comes to performances of this scale and trying to decipher what is legitimate and what has been tampered with or doctored. Hearing the ways that he would creatively sing the melodies or just talk there was no question that it was pure. And he was good. Not just him though, every member sang and they were all good. So we’re talking thick harmonies all over the place. Another major problem with many bands is they overemphasize things on their records, but then if you’re lucky there is only one guy in the band doing harmonies. Probably weak harmonies. The sound above all of this was ideal. I was nervous beforehand, but it turned out so well. The only problem I had was that there wasn’t enough bass in the mix but that could have had something to do with where my seat was.
As for song selection it couldn’t have been better. I’m a reasonably fickle Coldplay fan, so up until this last album I basically heard singles and maybe a few full listens above that. I love this latest album through and through, so I was pretty confident in this show since it is a tour for that record. They probably played 2 songs that weren’t singles (which I still recognized), then 5 or 6 singles from other albums and then the rest from Viva. Mmmmaaybbbeee 15 total?
The entire night was a highlight but if I had to talk about a few specific ones I might choose these:
During the middle of the concert he just said something and then, “see you guys in a bit” and I’m like, what? So they all run across the arena floor to the back and then up to the top of the first section where there happened to be a stage. They bust out three acoustic-ish guitars (they weren’t typical guitars) and play scientist. Oh, and the lead singer played a harmonica. It was a pretty good push to the ever-growing climax. My favorite part of the night was Fix You. He led the song by himself and cracked a superb joke about the band taking a break to go drink and email their girlfriends, but then, come to “lights will guide…” the harmonies kicked in. It was so beautiful. And then of course you remember the build at the end (“tears stream down your face when you lose something you can not replace”). I think I almost lost it I was so worked up and emotional. Hah, actually I wasn’t going to say this but I decided too because its funny. That song felt exactly like the moment in church when you feel the music moving toward its’ climax and “the spirit is moving”. I almost wanted to lift my hands it was so stirring. Haha, Such a spiritual-like experience in such a spiritual-less context. I know at least one of you who would want to argue me saying that place had no spiritual credit. I guess I could argue that too. Either way, I’ll never forget that. I might have taken a video of it on my camera. Lastly, after a strong and unwavering 10-minute eruption at the end of the show, they came back out for the encore made up of Yellow. The lights were all in strong yellow theme, and they had explosions of confetti from the ceiling a few times during the song too. It was like a celebration – the perfect send-off.
We went and lingered around town a little while longer after the concert until finally heading home. I hope that breakdown was sufficient but not exhausting.
And then some…
The weather has been strange as of late. We had a real warm week and haven’t really seen significant or lasting snow for a while now. The week prior to that it snowed almost everyday. So the mountain is in rough shape. They’ve got a legit base but it’s rather icy. Even given the ice, people here still ride almost every day. Yesterday for outdoor education we went snowboarding all day. Pretty rough huh? Didn’t even have a choice. Had to go to the mountain all day! Actually, even though it was busy and icy we all had a great day. We’ve had about 8 minor injuries in this past week alone. 2 or 3 sprains, one fracture, one broken nose, a couple tree accidents, and then countless bruises. I’m terribly sore but I think I’m going for a few hours again this afternoon. But I’m not going alone, I’m bringing my best friend Tylenol. I’ve noticed some real improvements in my game. There aren’t many hits in the park and everything is too icy to get serious. There are only 3 runs open thus far, so basically we’re just working the flat-ground game. Yesterday I got switch 180 butter 180, noseslide 270, nollie 360, and a few other neat little things. If my regular riding is 100% then I probably ride switch at about 80%, so I’m getting quite comfortable. It’s a lot of fun and it drastically affects overall board control when you fool around and get stuff like that. It’ll be interesting when we get some true snow and the mountain opens up to its potential. Hope I get a taste before Christmas. And I hope some you folk come ride next semester.
The ice rink here has been active and used for roughly a week now too. There are about 3 serious hockey players here, and there is a handful of aspiring hockey players who are out there all the time. I haven’t even gotten out once yet. Every time I think about going I get lazy or reluctant, but one of these nights I will. Next semester we’ll skate an awful lot I’m sure. I need to get my skate legs back. It’d be so straight to get good and come play pick up back home next year.
I realized the other day on the phone that after losing the two most meaningful things in my life (faith and love), I discovered an identity for myself and that’s why I felt the way I did. Not that it was the right identity but it was my own. I was faced with one of these things the other night and even though I wanted it I realized I couldn’t because it contradicted who I now was. Of course that isn’t completely sound reasoning, I could be me and still engage those things, but they flood too many memories of someone different that I didn’t entirely like. My hesitance is now clear to me because I make the connection from being a Christian or being in a relationship to many of the things I used to hate about myself. That is at the forefront of my infrequent thoughts – how to think seriously about those things without disowning the positive things I’ve discovered. Both are valuable and both are appealing to me not now but perhaps somewhere in my future.
I think about Christmas and those three weeks almost everyday. A warm festive home, family, catching up with friends, football games, poker tournaments, birthdays, new years, and on and on. Its gunna be a memorable few weeks. I’ll try to give you all as much attention as I can.
Take care and live like you mean it.
Brought to you by Jimmy.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
i'm sorry..
I’ve shown a tremendous amount of cynicism in my last few posts and I’d like to address that. I’ve felt bad about it actually because I’ve been very insensitive and perhaps overly agressive. Someone cautiously confronted me about it today and suggested that I sound rather angry and at a loss for tact. I understand. Even though I do what I can to negate blanket statements I still am referring to Christians, and assuming that the dozen or so people reading this blog are all Christians I know why it may be more offensive because it’s something you value a great deal. When I say something like “Christians have no backbone” I am not implying that all of you have no backbone. I love every one of you and do not want to deliberately attack any of you. These are just thoughts I wrestle with through this vehicle called “blogspot”. I am sorry if I’ve offended you. I’m going to comment on a couple other things, and then I’m going to give you the opportunity to speak into this.
You have options regarding how you respond to what I write. You can choose to be thankful that I am allowing you to know me better through this no matter how ugly or controversial my posts may be. By themselves, my words are not weapons and I don’t think they are harmful to you. You will decode what I say to draw conclusions about me and then you will do one of two other things while reading my nonsense. You will get defensive and perhaps even pissed off at me for being as frank as I am, or you will choose to challenge yourself and your beliefs to see if they line up or contradict with what I say. This is what I propose to you. Firstly, do not take me severely literal. Try to almost detach from your first response to my thoughts, give yourself a second to think about it of course, and then look at it for what it is and not who I am. Use it as a tool if you must. To respond the first way I mentioned, I think, might even reveal a degree of spiritual immaturity. If you are secure within your spirit then wrestle with what I say and disprove it in your own heart (or even in an email if you feel like responding to me). Think of times that nullify my claims because of what you’ve experienced, or study the necessary material to discredit my words. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for us to disagree. I just feel like what you do with this raw information is really in your hands, and I’m sorry if I make it a challenge.
So, if you still feel like I’m approaching this poorly in a rather public manner through this blog, then email me. Seriously, I will hear you out. I may respond but I do care about what you guys think.
I’m not as negative as my blogs might imply. I’m actually rather positive but when it comes to these various topics I tend to throw heaters. Aside from these things, my other options to discuss seem rather menial. When I am with you soon at Christmas I will not appear the way I do on here, because I won’t be talking about this stuff that often. But I think it’s valuable for me and perhaps for you that I confront these things on here. I was trying to think of something positive to report on to possibly outweigh the rest of this but I can’t even think of specific things. Everything else is great. People are great, snowboarding is great, music is great, getting in shape is great…life is good. No doubt.
This isn’t the most ideal environment for such immense topics to come to life. I’d much rather do it over coffee or beer with someone sincere so that different lights might be shed respectively, and even more, so that there could be a valid response to these types of things I say. I hope I never imply that what I say is truth because I’m not at all sure that it is! But it very much holds weight in my heart and mind just like many things do with you. I like writing on here, but the one problem is that it’s just an opinion. I’m not a big fan of opinions, and maybe that’s why I hate class so much. Preaching and teaching is often an opinion and aside from unique circumstances you can’t have legitimate discussion about it. Hopefully we’ll drink lots of coffee together when I come home
that’s all tonite.
You have options regarding how you respond to what I write. You can choose to be thankful that I am allowing you to know me better through this no matter how ugly or controversial my posts may be. By themselves, my words are not weapons and I don’t think they are harmful to you. You will decode what I say to draw conclusions about me and then you will do one of two other things while reading my nonsense. You will get defensive and perhaps even pissed off at me for being as frank as I am, or you will choose to challenge yourself and your beliefs to see if they line up or contradict with what I say. This is what I propose to you. Firstly, do not take me severely literal. Try to almost detach from your first response to my thoughts, give yourself a second to think about it of course, and then look at it for what it is and not who I am. Use it as a tool if you must. To respond the first way I mentioned, I think, might even reveal a degree of spiritual immaturity. If you are secure within your spirit then wrestle with what I say and disprove it in your own heart (or even in an email if you feel like responding to me). Think of times that nullify my claims because of what you’ve experienced, or study the necessary material to discredit my words. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for us to disagree. I just feel like what you do with this raw information is really in your hands, and I’m sorry if I make it a challenge.
So, if you still feel like I’m approaching this poorly in a rather public manner through this blog, then email me. Seriously, I will hear you out. I may respond but I do care about what you guys think.
I’m not as negative as my blogs might imply. I’m actually rather positive but when it comes to these various topics I tend to throw heaters. Aside from these things, my other options to discuss seem rather menial. When I am with you soon at Christmas I will not appear the way I do on here, because I won’t be talking about this stuff that often. But I think it’s valuable for me and perhaps for you that I confront these things on here. I was trying to think of something positive to report on to possibly outweigh the rest of this but I can’t even think of specific things. Everything else is great. People are great, snowboarding is great, music is great, getting in shape is great…life is good. No doubt.
This isn’t the most ideal environment for such immense topics to come to life. I’d much rather do it over coffee or beer with someone sincere so that different lights might be shed respectively, and even more, so that there could be a valid response to these types of things I say. I hope I never imply that what I say is truth because I’m not at all sure that it is! But it very much holds weight in my heart and mind just like many things do with you. I like writing on here, but the one problem is that it’s just an opinion. I’m not a big fan of opinions, and maybe that’s why I hate class so much. Preaching and teaching is often an opinion and aside from unique circumstances you can’t have legitimate discussion about it. Hopefully we’ll drink lots of coffee together when I come home
that’s all tonite.
Monday, November 17, 2008
had a pretty interesting weekend. spent friday and saturday in denver as i mentioned at a dare to share conference in the Pepsi center. friday night we stayed at some mansion that literally was accomidating about 50 of us. so, the event itself was neat in some ways but unfortunate in many others. remember when we were that age? like, pitch and praise, kingdom bound, even winter retreat...you sort of become some one else in those situations. more than becoming someone else i guess you just ARE someone else entirely than who we'd say we are now. everyone is so unspeakably needy and LOUD. loud with their cloths, loud with their abnormal behaviours (namely for attention or respect from peers), and just straight up loud volumes.
these things are unfortunate because its so so abnormal. the event is abnormal and the the bubble that kids are thrown into isn't real life - just like missions or bible school or whatever the case. the object is to basically captivate addolecent senses through media, music, words, and maybe a few tricks. get them all wound up and then unLEASH them into the world right? meh. i bet their talkin smack about their friends by the end of the following week, if not monday. i loved those events when i was in youth, and i understand some of the arguments trust me, but man is it ever wierd seeing it at this age and this stage. its absolutely queer in almost every respect when wholly evaluated. i escaped downtown during the event once or twice though to get a breath of fresh air both literally and figuratively.
one other thing about the conference is Zane. i've talked about him a bit. i really need to get a picture up. he dresses so so well and so so originally i guess, first off. second, he is probably good enough to be a legit am snowboarder and third, he's a super effective teacher. so we all love him here of course but this weekend shed such a different light. this dude is seriously a christian celebrity. he's one of the main faces for dare to share and the kids just soak him up like a sponge on steroids. he had a few shirts at the merch table that were specifically designed with/for him, he has a book called "shred the gnar" he just published, and he's kind of starting this other ministry called "christ plus nothing". we were walkin around and as he was standing giving autographs to this massive line of kids he's all shoutin us out and stuff right? well we jokingly start offering his phone number for 5$ to kids. this one girl? she offered us 36$. wierd huh? yea, so wierd.
leeland was good. there was also a band called fee who was okay. the mix was a bit disappointing. so i hope the sound for coldplay this friday is a lot better. oh wait, did i forget to tell you? i'm seeing coldplay on friday! it was bloody spensive but this is once in a lifetime type stuff. and i think its one of those bands you kind of need to see, especially after that last monster of an album. I'm gunna make sure to soak it in as best i can and then reflect a thorough response back at you.
winter park opens on wednesday. i think i said it was this past weekend maybe but its wednesday. unfortunately tonite we went up to the top of the pass to ride a bit and i messed up my knee again. i think its sprained or something cause i have no strength. its not too too uncommon for my knee to just buckle during the day and me fall over. might need to get a brace or something when i come home. i hope i get to ride before christmas though cause i bet its a bad idea.
has anyone ever thought a lot about corporate prayer? cause i have been more recently. add it to the list i suppose, but it annoys the lasting goodness out of me. the reason we give group prayer so much credibility is probably based on "where two or more are gathered, there I am also". lets pause and look at that first. what?! soooo, God shows up where there is at least two people right? well, either he's God and he is everywhere with everyone at all times or our faith is restricted to God encounters only where there is more than one person? its silly for me to even expand. we all know you've experienced and been with God on your own before so what the heck is the point of this verse? so we can throw it out in church and big rallies for emphesis that God is around MORE right now than when you're praying at home? its stupid. before i go on here is my token disclaimer: these statements are in no way ever perfectly inclusive of all people in all situations, but from what i know and observe, they are a relatively strong representation of the christian population. what exactly do you DO during group prayer? like, do we all kind of play a role and its a team thing? ooorrr are we just there to get inspired by others audible thoughts? oorrr i dunno i guess. There are prayer warriors like my mom and maybe some of yours. i'm sure you know at least one good example. i suppose some of their responses would be affirmation of the prayer at least mentally if not verbally. but even that...is it one of those things we do to show we're more intentional and bold in our faith? or does it actually AMPLIFY our prayers to God?! to be honest, most people just look around. they're probably thinking about very menial things. maybe sometimes important things like song orders or prayer requests they need to remember, but most people don't actually pay true attention. wowee does that area of discussion fire me up.
another thing is that christians have no backbone. this isn't an uncommon observation, even within the christian community but sledom does the trend change at all. some people worship with all their hearts, and some people truly respect the communion table but i bet most don't. have you ever really looked at the blank eyes of people as they worship? chances are they either aren't thinking of the words, or they are thinking very conciously about how they sound or how they look as they worship. their mouths move and you can tell its for the sake of avoidence - avoidence of conflict or being called out on or being thought less of. just don't sing if it means nothing! most people probably mean it more when they're singin in their cars to random songs than during formal worship. you see it plague worship TEAMS let alone worship congregations. and the communion table...God help christians. i often imagine how many people take communion that are pissed off at their parents, or are stealing from work, or are cheating in a relationship, or are maybe just as mediocre as they come and have not prepared their hearts for this foundational 'act'. severe or simple i don't think it matters. my word. Its not mine to judge, but i wonder how many people you would see pass the plate if you took a good look around. probably not nearly enough. cause its easier to just take it. its easier to play the role. thats a good reflection of a much bigger picture - the entirity of what they believe and are moved by. and for goodness sake, what is the point of prayer before meals? i mean, i understand the point but stop being thankful for your food and only your food. it is no more a blessing than the legs that are still attached to your torso. do you religeously wake up every single morning and thank God for your health? do you feel guilty if you MISS a morning? maybe you do. do you thank him for your car, or do you gripe about the A/C not working and how the system in it sucks? the point being, its such a thing 'we do' that i don't know if i could ever agree with it again.
sorry about that.
this took a along time so I'm gunna go. but i'll check in early next week at the latest.
this is jimmy
these things are unfortunate because its so so abnormal. the event is abnormal and the the bubble that kids are thrown into isn't real life - just like missions or bible school or whatever the case. the object is to basically captivate addolecent senses through media, music, words, and maybe a few tricks. get them all wound up and then unLEASH them into the world right? meh. i bet their talkin smack about their friends by the end of the following week, if not monday. i loved those events when i was in youth, and i understand some of the arguments trust me, but man is it ever wierd seeing it at this age and this stage. its absolutely queer in almost every respect when wholly evaluated. i escaped downtown during the event once or twice though to get a breath of fresh air both literally and figuratively.
one other thing about the conference is Zane. i've talked about him a bit. i really need to get a picture up. he dresses so so well and so so originally i guess, first off. second, he is probably good enough to be a legit am snowboarder and third, he's a super effective teacher. so we all love him here of course but this weekend shed such a different light. this dude is seriously a christian celebrity. he's one of the main faces for dare to share and the kids just soak him up like a sponge on steroids. he had a few shirts at the merch table that were specifically designed with/for him, he has a book called "shred the gnar" he just published, and he's kind of starting this other ministry called "christ plus nothing". we were walkin around and as he was standing giving autographs to this massive line of kids he's all shoutin us out and stuff right? well we jokingly start offering his phone number for 5$ to kids. this one girl? she offered us 36$. wierd huh? yea, so wierd.
leeland was good. there was also a band called fee who was okay. the mix was a bit disappointing. so i hope the sound for coldplay this friday is a lot better. oh wait, did i forget to tell you? i'm seeing coldplay on friday! it was bloody spensive but this is once in a lifetime type stuff. and i think its one of those bands you kind of need to see, especially after that last monster of an album. I'm gunna make sure to soak it in as best i can and then reflect a thorough response back at you.
winter park opens on wednesday. i think i said it was this past weekend maybe but its wednesday. unfortunately tonite we went up to the top of the pass to ride a bit and i messed up my knee again. i think its sprained or something cause i have no strength. its not too too uncommon for my knee to just buckle during the day and me fall over. might need to get a brace or something when i come home. i hope i get to ride before christmas though cause i bet its a bad idea.
has anyone ever thought a lot about corporate prayer? cause i have been more recently. add it to the list i suppose, but it annoys the lasting goodness out of me. the reason we give group prayer so much credibility is probably based on "where two or more are gathered, there I am also". lets pause and look at that first. what?! soooo, God shows up where there is at least two people right? well, either he's God and he is everywhere with everyone at all times or our faith is restricted to God encounters only where there is more than one person? its silly for me to even expand. we all know you've experienced and been with God on your own before so what the heck is the point of this verse? so we can throw it out in church and big rallies for emphesis that God is around MORE right now than when you're praying at home? its stupid. before i go on here is my token disclaimer: these statements are in no way ever perfectly inclusive of all people in all situations, but from what i know and observe, they are a relatively strong representation of the christian population. what exactly do you DO during group prayer? like, do we all kind of play a role and its a team thing? ooorrr are we just there to get inspired by others audible thoughts? oorrr i dunno i guess. There are prayer warriors like my mom and maybe some of yours. i'm sure you know at least one good example. i suppose some of their responses would be affirmation of the prayer at least mentally if not verbally. but even that...is it one of those things we do to show we're more intentional and bold in our faith? or does it actually AMPLIFY our prayers to God?! to be honest, most people just look around. they're probably thinking about very menial things. maybe sometimes important things like song orders or prayer requests they need to remember, but most people don't actually pay true attention. wowee does that area of discussion fire me up.
another thing is that christians have no backbone. this isn't an uncommon observation, even within the christian community but sledom does the trend change at all. some people worship with all their hearts, and some people truly respect the communion table but i bet most don't. have you ever really looked at the blank eyes of people as they worship? chances are they either aren't thinking of the words, or they are thinking very conciously about how they sound or how they look as they worship. their mouths move and you can tell its for the sake of avoidence - avoidence of conflict or being called out on or being thought less of. just don't sing if it means nothing! most people probably mean it more when they're singin in their cars to random songs than during formal worship. you see it plague worship TEAMS let alone worship congregations. and the communion table...God help christians. i often imagine how many people take communion that are pissed off at their parents, or are stealing from work, or are cheating in a relationship, or are maybe just as mediocre as they come and have not prepared their hearts for this foundational 'act'. severe or simple i don't think it matters. my word. Its not mine to judge, but i wonder how many people you would see pass the plate if you took a good look around. probably not nearly enough. cause its easier to just take it. its easier to play the role. thats a good reflection of a much bigger picture - the entirity of what they believe and are moved by. and for goodness sake, what is the point of prayer before meals? i mean, i understand the point but stop being thankful for your food and only your food. it is no more a blessing than the legs that are still attached to your torso. do you religeously wake up every single morning and thank God for your health? do you feel guilty if you MISS a morning? maybe you do. do you thank him for your car, or do you gripe about the A/C not working and how the system in it sucks? the point being, its such a thing 'we do' that i don't know if i could ever agree with it again.
sorry about that.
this took a along time so I'm gunna go. but i'll check in early next week at the latest.
this is jimmy
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
i'm really bad at this blog thing.
i would be disappointed if i were you guys. how long has it been, a couple weeks? whenever i get on a computer i find a thousand other things i'd like to get too and when i think of writing i get overwhelmed by all that has happened that i haven't written about yet. I'll do my best to remember some highlights.
actually, i just decided that i'm not gunna update you on specific things that are happening day to day. there is plenty of stuff but you'll be fine not knowing. the one thing i will tell you is that copper mountain had opening day this past saturday and we went. there was only 2 lifts open but it was still great. it had one small terrain park too. i kind of already knew this, but i realized even more that i don't even love snowboarding that much. i mean, i enjoy it but basically only in this context: 3-4 hours on the mountain tops, only about an hour or two at most on actual runs and the rest in the park. i get really bored riding runs. sure some are steeper than others and might have a few noteable differences, but basically you get 70 runs that are all the same deal. i dunno. my knee and my wrist were both acting up on me. i had a wrist brace luckily. this weekend winter park opens. its 5 minutes away from us.
also this weekend is Dare 2 Share. Zane (a leader here) is one of the main guys in D2S so all of us are helpin out with either merch or security or a number of other things. its a two day ordeal in denver at the pepsi center, so its pretty legit. Leeland is gunna be there.
my goodness...the detroit lions are terrible. i know i chirp about em all the time. most of the people that read this blog i have probably talked to personally about our situation with the team. i have that simple and rather unwaivering faith since i've only been around 2 years with the team, but i still am emotionally spent every sunday around 2 o clock here when the game finishes.
i'm fasting today. i don't even know how too do something like this anymore. i don't even pray unless I'm called upon too. so it should be interesting. i just decided that my decision to stay or go must be made in literally the next couple days and i've talked to everyone i can think of about what i should do...except God. so i'm giving him a window. if he wants to speak into this or put something on my heart this is his chance.
i'm really looking forward to christmas. i'll get to see most of you hopefully, i'll get to celebrate my b-day, and hopefully stay quite busy while i'm home. i was talkin to heather the other day about bein home and excited and stuff and she pointed out how different this year is gunna look. heather has lost over 20 pounds, so she's gunna look pre different to me at least. i've lost some weight, put on some muscle, shaved my head, pierced my ears, and will also look pretty different. and then there is genelle who will have an 8 month old baby in her. hehe. i'm excited about that. real excited. mom and dad, you should start thinking about something drastic you can do too to follow suite.
i've just got one new thought for today. it might make some of you uncomfortable, i dunno. and again, i need you guys to understand that this is just me thinking. i may feel what i think to varrying degrees at different times but i'm just thinking is all. i know i've had this thought with a few of you before but it still lingers with me. and it is this. what if we give Jesus too much credit sometimes? calm down, calllmmm ddooowwn. i'm no scholar, but i've been in the word enough to have an idea of who he is and i know there is abundant evidence that he was extraordinary. he did miracles, he was perfectly pure and selfless, he lived a blameless life...i know. i'm not really argueing that. that is what it is if we believe the bible is true. i guess i wonder more about the death of him and the basis for people literally and figuratively giving their lives to him. there are people throughout the world that die CONSTANTLY, and many of them die for lesser causes than the salvation of the entire human race. they might die for family, for their country, for simply their thoughts, for themselves, and i'm sure there are plenty more reasons while people die for causes each day. real people with real pain and real fears. there is also evidence both in the bible and more recently in the middle east of people being crucified. its not like some immense historical event because only a few people ever died that death. i bet piles of people did. and this is where i wonder about "the cost": don't you think that if you KNEW God like Jesus did (and technically you WERE God), and you knew heaven because you've lived there all your life, and the only way to save billions and billions of lives was to die on earth after a short life, and you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that you were just gunna live again after that in heaven and be praised and never have to worry again about paying that price...don't you think that if you knew all that stuff like jesus did that it would be a bit of a no brainer? that you'd be able to go through with it? at least for me, i know that my motives and choices are driven by cost versus payoff. so in this case, the cost seems pretty tolerable standing next to the outcome. i know i sound crazy and you're all half squinting at the screen with your mouth half open wondering what the heck i'm talking about, but honestly i just don't feel like its as MASSIVELY unspeakable of a cornerstone than we perpetually give it credit for. maybe it is, i just have to find out how to make that click for me. i suppose the bottom line is that he didn't in any way deserve that death and we in no way deserved that death....fine. another thing that just came to me and that perplexes me is how much christians stumble and struggle with the idea of following christ but just ignore it. many people respond too it and fall away, its just funny watching christians from my perspective have these unanswerable questions or daunting barriers where they have little to no reason to hang on, but its like they just ignore it. well, they don't ignore it maybe but they call it faith. its so illogical. i guess its perserverence. all of this stuff is so subjective, i know. man do i ever know and i'm thankful. you do not need to be where i am and its ok that i'm not where you are.
something terribly humbling came upon me today. when i talk to people i paint this picture of a rather legalistic faith i used to have. among many other things, i pretty well could have stopped at "i used to be at church as many as 3 or 4 times a week, easy". i understand why they create that picture in their minds, because i provide it, yet, in the same breath i deny that it was legalistic. i assure or correct them that it was real and authentic and sincere. i've always sort of felt that i lay between the two ends and had a balanced understanding. i want to clarify before i continue that i knew God. i did. i experienced him, i worked for him, i desired to know him, and my intent was often pure i believe. but today i realized something. paul used to be all of those things. paul memorized the old testament, he never missed a day of church, he prayed all the time, he tithed the required amount, he fed the poor, he knew all the stories - he was doing what he knew how to be righteous and yet, he was a pharisee. he persecuted God's true church and was the very person that christ came to speak against. he had every check marked on the religeous list yet he had nothing. something drastic happened of course where he met and embraced christ which brought about change. excuse my language but this is actually Paul's words. when it was being translated the translators were even somewhat ashamed or uncomfortable by paul's words, but it shows how serious and passionate he was. he basically said about the things he knew and had done for God's sake up til that point didn't amount to shit; it was rubbish. i thought i was in the right all my life - struggling but succeeding in Christ. but what made me any different than Paul? i was the ideal pedigree. if you saw my spiritual resume you'd probably have raised your brow just slightly, but what true depth was there in my simple trust and faith in God day to day. i know that this place i speak of (where Paul eventually was during most of his ministry) is spoken of often in the christian community and we would all agree that its a righteous and dependant place to be with God, but how do you get there? how do you take away the age old checklist and just....be. there is nothing to hold on to firmly or strive toward or to achieve it seems, its just a simple dependance on christ's love and his ability to live out that love in our common lives. it feels like one of those christian things we say or think without really knowing a lot of the time, but its always the right answer. we had that talk about a book/topic based upon "christ in me". its so cliche but how many of us have a clear grasp on what that even looks like. its arguable and it makes for a good discussion rather than opinion on my part. to sum it up, i was humbled by realting to paul and agreeing that perhaps my spiritual health was always just slightly skewed. if/when i am restored i see it looking differently. i want to know more than any other thing that i have and experience everyday freedom in christ. not depression, or stress, or jeleousy, or judgment, or addiction...i want to know a simple freedom.
i'm slowly becoming a sports junkie. its cool. when i come home i definitly picture myself coppin an LCD with satelite so i can tap into lots of sports. oh, and a cell phone i can actually use! count on it.
i'm hungry. its gunna be a long day.
look forward to seeing and talking to you all.
Jimmy.
i would be disappointed if i were you guys. how long has it been, a couple weeks? whenever i get on a computer i find a thousand other things i'd like to get too and when i think of writing i get overwhelmed by all that has happened that i haven't written about yet. I'll do my best to remember some highlights.
actually, i just decided that i'm not gunna update you on specific things that are happening day to day. there is plenty of stuff but you'll be fine not knowing. the one thing i will tell you is that copper mountain had opening day this past saturday and we went. there was only 2 lifts open but it was still great. it had one small terrain park too. i kind of already knew this, but i realized even more that i don't even love snowboarding that much. i mean, i enjoy it but basically only in this context: 3-4 hours on the mountain tops, only about an hour or two at most on actual runs and the rest in the park. i get really bored riding runs. sure some are steeper than others and might have a few noteable differences, but basically you get 70 runs that are all the same deal. i dunno. my knee and my wrist were both acting up on me. i had a wrist brace luckily. this weekend winter park opens. its 5 minutes away from us.
also this weekend is Dare 2 Share. Zane (a leader here) is one of the main guys in D2S so all of us are helpin out with either merch or security or a number of other things. its a two day ordeal in denver at the pepsi center, so its pretty legit. Leeland is gunna be there.
my goodness...the detroit lions are terrible. i know i chirp about em all the time. most of the people that read this blog i have probably talked to personally about our situation with the team. i have that simple and rather unwaivering faith since i've only been around 2 years with the team, but i still am emotionally spent every sunday around 2 o clock here when the game finishes.
i'm fasting today. i don't even know how too do something like this anymore. i don't even pray unless I'm called upon too. so it should be interesting. i just decided that my decision to stay or go must be made in literally the next couple days and i've talked to everyone i can think of about what i should do...except God. so i'm giving him a window. if he wants to speak into this or put something on my heart this is his chance.
i'm really looking forward to christmas. i'll get to see most of you hopefully, i'll get to celebrate my b-day, and hopefully stay quite busy while i'm home. i was talkin to heather the other day about bein home and excited and stuff and she pointed out how different this year is gunna look. heather has lost over 20 pounds, so she's gunna look pre different to me at least. i've lost some weight, put on some muscle, shaved my head, pierced my ears, and will also look pretty different. and then there is genelle who will have an 8 month old baby in her. hehe. i'm excited about that. real excited. mom and dad, you should start thinking about something drastic you can do too to follow suite.
i've just got one new thought for today. it might make some of you uncomfortable, i dunno. and again, i need you guys to understand that this is just me thinking. i may feel what i think to varrying degrees at different times but i'm just thinking is all. i know i've had this thought with a few of you before but it still lingers with me. and it is this. what if we give Jesus too much credit sometimes? calm down, calllmmm ddooowwn. i'm no scholar, but i've been in the word enough to have an idea of who he is and i know there is abundant evidence that he was extraordinary. he did miracles, he was perfectly pure and selfless, he lived a blameless life...i know. i'm not really argueing that. that is what it is if we believe the bible is true. i guess i wonder more about the death of him and the basis for people literally and figuratively giving their lives to him. there are people throughout the world that die CONSTANTLY, and many of them die for lesser causes than the salvation of the entire human race. they might die for family, for their country, for simply their thoughts, for themselves, and i'm sure there are plenty more reasons while people die for causes each day. real people with real pain and real fears. there is also evidence both in the bible and more recently in the middle east of people being crucified. its not like some immense historical event because only a few people ever died that death. i bet piles of people did. and this is where i wonder about "the cost": don't you think that if you KNEW God like Jesus did (and technically you WERE God), and you knew heaven because you've lived there all your life, and the only way to save billions and billions of lives was to die on earth after a short life, and you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that you were just gunna live again after that in heaven and be praised and never have to worry again about paying that price...don't you think that if you knew all that stuff like jesus did that it would be a bit of a no brainer? that you'd be able to go through with it? at least for me, i know that my motives and choices are driven by cost versus payoff. so in this case, the cost seems pretty tolerable standing next to the outcome. i know i sound crazy and you're all half squinting at the screen with your mouth half open wondering what the heck i'm talking about, but honestly i just don't feel like its as MASSIVELY unspeakable of a cornerstone than we perpetually give it credit for. maybe it is, i just have to find out how to make that click for me. i suppose the bottom line is that he didn't in any way deserve that death and we in no way deserved that death....fine. another thing that just came to me and that perplexes me is how much christians stumble and struggle with the idea of following christ but just ignore it. many people respond too it and fall away, its just funny watching christians from my perspective have these unanswerable questions or daunting barriers where they have little to no reason to hang on, but its like they just ignore it. well, they don't ignore it maybe but they call it faith. its so illogical. i guess its perserverence. all of this stuff is so subjective, i know. man do i ever know and i'm thankful. you do not need to be where i am and its ok that i'm not where you are.
something terribly humbling came upon me today. when i talk to people i paint this picture of a rather legalistic faith i used to have. among many other things, i pretty well could have stopped at "i used to be at church as many as 3 or 4 times a week, easy". i understand why they create that picture in their minds, because i provide it, yet, in the same breath i deny that it was legalistic. i assure or correct them that it was real and authentic and sincere. i've always sort of felt that i lay between the two ends and had a balanced understanding. i want to clarify before i continue that i knew God. i did. i experienced him, i worked for him, i desired to know him, and my intent was often pure i believe. but today i realized something. paul used to be all of those things. paul memorized the old testament, he never missed a day of church, he prayed all the time, he tithed the required amount, he fed the poor, he knew all the stories - he was doing what he knew how to be righteous and yet, he was a pharisee. he persecuted God's true church and was the very person that christ came to speak against. he had every check marked on the religeous list yet he had nothing. something drastic happened of course where he met and embraced christ which brought about change. excuse my language but this is actually Paul's words. when it was being translated the translators were even somewhat ashamed or uncomfortable by paul's words, but it shows how serious and passionate he was. he basically said about the things he knew and had done for God's sake up til that point didn't amount to shit; it was rubbish. i thought i was in the right all my life - struggling but succeeding in Christ. but what made me any different than Paul? i was the ideal pedigree. if you saw my spiritual resume you'd probably have raised your brow just slightly, but what true depth was there in my simple trust and faith in God day to day. i know that this place i speak of (where Paul eventually was during most of his ministry) is spoken of often in the christian community and we would all agree that its a righteous and dependant place to be with God, but how do you get there? how do you take away the age old checklist and just....be. there is nothing to hold on to firmly or strive toward or to achieve it seems, its just a simple dependance on christ's love and his ability to live out that love in our common lives. it feels like one of those christian things we say or think without really knowing a lot of the time, but its always the right answer. we had that talk about a book/topic based upon "christ in me". its so cliche but how many of us have a clear grasp on what that even looks like. its arguable and it makes for a good discussion rather than opinion on my part. to sum it up, i was humbled by realting to paul and agreeing that perhaps my spiritual health was always just slightly skewed. if/when i am restored i see it looking differently. i want to know more than any other thing that i have and experience everyday freedom in christ. not depression, or stress, or jeleousy, or judgment, or addiction...i want to know a simple freedom.
i'm slowly becoming a sports junkie. its cool. when i come home i definitly picture myself coppin an LCD with satelite so i can tap into lots of sports. oh, and a cell phone i can actually use! count on it.
i'm hungry. its gunna be a long day.
look forward to seeing and talking to you all.
Jimmy.
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